Hello Rejection, My Old Friend

I was getting up for that mid-afternoon cup of coffee when I got an email.

 

Any writer – author, journalist or poet – who has work out in the submission pipeline, knows the email moment. The notification pops up on your phone or in your inbox and your heart takes a wild, insane ride. First, it goes up – way too high up – as your expectations soar. Then, you ground yourself, reminders of just how much the deck is stacked against you flit through your mind. Your heart plummets. Finally, finally, you get the email open – your eyes scan, searching for those all important words – pleased, unfortunately, with regret.

It does get easier. I have gotten a lot of rejections. In fact, I pride myself on being pretty good at divorcing the rejection of my work from the rejection of me as a person. There are a thousand reasons why a submission might not fit with a publishing house, magazine or newspaper and none of them have to do with my personality. As of late, the rejections have mostly been for agent requests. Given that agents are very specialized, those thanks but no thanks have been rolling off my back pretty easily – through awhile back I got six rejections in five days, and one was at midnight on Friday. That was tough, give a girl a break.

So, I get an email.

Automatically, I know this is a bad sign. This publishing house will call if they want to move your manuscript forward. I know this, but I let myself hope anyway.

It is a very constructive rejection. It is a hopeful and kind and that almost makes it worse. Like, if I had just been a little better at this, if I had changed that one element of my 80,000-word manuscript, maybe it would have been enough.

Who knows? I’d like to say who cares, but I do care. It’s less about boo hoo, woe is me, no one likes my writing and more about the constant struggle to move forward with my career. If this publishing house had accepted me, that would have been it. But, since they didn’t, I’m back where I was and without even the hope or potential of this acceptance to make me feel like I might be working towards something.

Alright. So what do we do? coffee-2151200_1920

Well, this is it. This is the part of being a writer that sucks so much worse than the movies show. This part hurts.

Suck it up buttercup.

This is as much a part of being a writer as putting the words to the page. It’s as much a part of being a writer as the late night edits and the early morning social media marketing. This as much a part of being a writer as every submission, every query letter, every synopsis.

These are the writer’s twelve labors, the baptism by fire, the hot coals we have to cross in order to make this our careers. If it were easy, if there was a path made of smooth, cool stones to cross this lake of fire, then everyone would. Every single kid from your creative writing classes would be a writer. Every freshman who worked on the school paper would write for New York Magazine. But it’s not easy. There is no clear path. Rejections suck.

But they don’t kill you. It’s easy to be a writer on the day when the words flow and the Amazon rankings spike. It’s easy to be a writer at the party, where people ask you cool questions about your cool and mysterious job. It’s not those easy days that separate the weak from the strong, the successful from the I could have been a writer. It’s not the easy days. It’s the days like these.

So we pick ourselves up. We submit again. We edit, we query and we submit again. We submit again. No one said the life of a writer was going to be easy. But, if we’re still standing at the end of all this, it might just be worth it. ♦

 

 

How do you get back up after that hard rejection? Check out tips here. 

411 thoughts on “Hello Rejection, My Old Friend”

  3. V Ray says:
    Reply

    I just want to say, thanks for this. It is difficult at times, and it’s good to know that I’m not alone (though sometimes it feels like it!)

    Thank you for posting the advice.

    Like

    • hollandrae says:
      Reply

      Thank you so much for reading and your kind words. I can promise you that every artist goes through this experience many times in their lives and you are no alone. Best of luck on your artistic adventures!

      Liked by 1 person

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  5. crazdwriter says:
    Reply

    I have yet to start the sending in queries part again but I do remember the rejections I received and how hard it was. I was younger then. But as I enter the process of finishing typing up the story, editing it myself then finding an editor, I brace myself as I think about sending it to agents and publishers but it is my dream to become published so forward I march. I know I’ll get rejected but I will keep them as a reminder that I did it! I got the nerve to once again try to get my work published into a book.

    And your article is very well written. I truly enjoyed reading it.

    Like

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    • hollandrae says:
      Reply

      I’m glad to hear you were able to take something away! It’s incredibly challenging to make that distinction because we pour our hearts and souls into our work, but we need to! Otherwise every rejection will hurt too much. I wish you the best of luck on your journey!

      Like

  19. theuchegod says:
    Reply

    Great write up Thanks
    Rejection is not good at all, it doesn’t matter the circumstances in which it occurred.
    Sometimes it comes like a big blow that knocks one down, however, the great thing about it is the ability to get up and move on and not remain on the ground feeling sorry for oneself and becoming depressed. Life goes on after rejection.

    Like

    • hollandrae says:
      Reply

      You’re absolutely right! Getting up is what separates the women from the girls, so we keep going even when it hurts! Thank you so much for reading and all the best on your own artistic journey!

      Like

  21. khalilullah1 says:
    Reply

    A great read! When I wrote my first novel, I was far too young to know what’s worthy of being sent to a publisher and what isn’t and I received countless rejections because I just didn’t know how important the editing phase of a manuscript is.
    This is an extremely useful post for people who are struggling to cope with rejections as well as those that wish to send their manuscripts out for submissions. Understand that the road isn’t going to be straight and that someone rejecting your work for publication doesn’t mean that they are rejecting you as a writer! Keep doing what you do and always be on the lookout to learn as much as you can.

    Liked by 1 person

    • hollandrae says:
      Reply

      Thank you so much for reading and sharing your own stories! It’s absolutely part of the process and remembering that makes it easier to manage every single “no”! I hope your journey is full of yesses from here out and wish you all the best!

      Liked by 1 person

  22. lrrutherford says:
    Reply

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have been too scared to send my manuscript out into the world of rejection… I don’t even know how to go about submitting a manuscript or to whom I would be sending it too. If you have any advice, or if anyone else does.. I’d love some guidance.

    Like

    • hollandrae says:
      Reply

      Thank you for reading! It depends on what genre you’re writing! In genre fiction (romance, mystery sci-fi) there’s more opportunity to submit unrepresented (without an agent) than fiction, but there’s opportunities for everyone!

      Like

  24. LooneyB says:
    Reply

    I have just happened upon your Blogs and love them. I am sure that you will certainly become a better Writer because, for sure, you are a ( good ) Writer already. You have a great easy way of writing that encourages people to keep reading. I think you know the magic formula, you are there already. Maybe you just dont know it… 🙂

    Like

    • hollandrae says:
      Reply

      Ahh, thank you so much for reading and your incredibly kind words! ❤ It makes such a huge difference to hear that readers and writers enjoy what I do and I really appreciate it! ❤ ❤ best of luck on your own journey as well!

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Astandane says:
    Reply

    Having worked in Sales, you learn pretty quickly that rejection is normal. ‘No’ is normal, and you’re likely to hear it a lot.

    So for me, I don’t really get broken down by it, and we have to remember that when sending a submission, we are ASKING for a yes OR no; we can’t get upset about it!

    Like

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  28. Rob Fike says:
    Reply

    Rejection is hard to get around, move past, and confront head-on. I’m probably in self-publish mode because of this fear. Maybe it’s time to admit I’m afraid to be rejected, and dive in anyway. Thanks for posting.

    Like

    • hollandrae says:
      Reply

      It’s nearly impossible to get around rejection–and even as a self-pub author you will come across mean-spirited or ill-informed reviews. But we put ourselves out into the world to tell the stories we love because it’s important to us and that makes it worth it! I do hope you dive in and I wish you strength and luck on your journey! Thank you for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

  30. jackiekierm says:
    Reply

    Thank you for your candidness and the reality of a writer’s journey. Your piece is so well written. After having stopped writing for a number of years, I’m retired and back to it and did get my first rejection recently. It is humbling, but a good reality check that there are so many of us out there churning away at our pieces and we are all in the same boat. So, yes, we keep on writing because that is what we love to do. And you have expressed so many of our sentiments so accurately!

    Like

    • hollandrae says:
      Reply

      Thank you so very much for your kind words! I’ve learned (the hard way!) that the only way to the other side is through rejection so that helps me compartmentalize all the “no”, but it’s still so challenging! You’re right though! When it’s important, we keep doing it! I hope you continue to love your writing–and so much luck on your journey!

      Like

  31. hfjcreative says:
    Reply

    Thank you so much for this article! I am not a writer, but I am a Graphic Designer but it seems like we have the same struggles. At this moment in life, I needed this to push to move me forward! I too get discouraged with rejection.

    Like

    • hollandrae says:
      Reply

      Thank you so much for reading! Anytime we share our art with the world, we’re vulnerable and it can be both wonderful and challenging. I wish you all the best on your artistic endeavors! Don’t give up!

      Like

  36. become1one says:
    Reply

    Hello, Rejection is nothing more than a figment…..A Self imposed, pre-determined negative expectation which is fueled by an emotional “scar” from the past….A place which no longer exists! ‘Self Worth’ drives what we “project” to know and believe in who we are.

    Like

    • hollandrae says:
      Reply

      While I appreciate that internal rejection is largely imagined, this was a genuine rejection–as are many that we will face in the industry. I was told no thank you on a project and I will continue to face ‘no thank you’ responses for some time. It is part of being an artist.

      Like

      • become1one says:

        Thank You for Your response.
        Yes, rejection is imagined…..what we project outward is what we attract. When we are confident in who we are and we project positive, that is what will return. The ‘no thank you’s’ … will too, become a figment. have a blessed journey

        Liked by 1 person

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  40. Sandy Hyatt-James says:
    Reply

    I’ve been trying for almost ten years, so I know exactly how you feel. I wish there was some way of knowing what is in their minds when they reject, but over time I’ve just come to accept it as one of life’s vexing mysteries!
    Great post, by the way.

    Like

  43. Sam says:
    Reply

    It’s funny. I write just to clear my mind of thoughts that keep me up at night. But for the past few years … no, actually… lots of years, I have stopped writing because “Life” happened. Eventually I believed that my brain had gone rusty and that I’ve lost my writing skills. Reading your post however encouraged me to brave the scene again. I think I might start writing a bit once more. I could use it as therapy. Thanks for the inspiration! Good luck on your career as well! 🙂

    Like

    • hollandrae says:
      Reply

      Hi Sam — Thank you so much for your kind words–I find them very inspirational in return! As artists, we have to prioritize creating and telling stories and designing because you’re right, life does get in the way. But it’s who we are! I hope you find a good balance and meet with success and joy on your artistic journey!

      Liked by 1 person

  45. Nicole says:
    Reply

    I just want to say how much I loved reading this post! It was refreshing to read someone talk about rejection, especially as a writer. It’s never an easy thing to deal with. It sucks, not only as a writer but also as a person too. Rejection is everywhere, from within our friend groups, in school, on social media and so many other places. It can have a bad impact on us if we don’t learn how to separate ourselves and really dig deep into who we are. It’s all about never giving up! Thank you again!

    Like

    • hollandrae says:
      Reply

      Thank you so so much for your kind words! The response to this post has been filled with honesty and support and I’m so grateful to you for sharing your own experiences. Thank you for reading–best of luck on your artistic adventures!

      Like

  49. Inge Corino says:
    Reply

    Really enjoyed reading this! Very relatable, also outside the field of writing.
    I feel that sometimes my fear of failure and rejection already disheartens me so much that it’s difficult to even start a new project. But you’re completely right, rejection is part of life even if it sucks. And this piece definitely inspires me to keep trying and keep working hard, so thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  50. darcysdoodles09 says:
    Reply

    I am a more “for myself” writer so I don’t quite sympathize entirely for your rejections. I will say, however, this is also much like parenting. I have four kids and it is truly the hardest job ever and realizing how much my work does not pay off is much like a rejection. I am equally very appreciative that you have shown us just how to keep moving forward when it seems like everything is a “fail” despite our best efforts! Good read!

    Liked by 2 people

    • hollandrae says:
      Reply

      Thank you so much for reading and your kind words! You’re right–we can find this message in a lot of things and raising kids is so much like creating great art! It sounds like you have a wonderful family who are so lucky to have you!

      Liked by 2 people

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